For The Love Of Banana Nut Bread
On Sunday morning, like many weekend mornings, the boys and I baked together. The banana nut bread recipe we used was from a recipe box my mom decorated and gave to me at my first and only house warming party almost 15 years ago. All of the recipes she included in the box were recipes that she made while I was growing up. Many of them were recipes from my grandma.
My mom has made a family tradition with banana nut bread. Every time we visit her, she makes the treat for us just before we arrive, using the same recipe my grandma baked when I was a kid visiting her. The boys are at least the fourth generation learning how to make this particular banana nut bread. Who knows, my grandma may have gotten the recipe from her mom, which would then make the boys fifth generation banana nut bread bakers.
I have fond memories of baking with both my mom and my grandma as a kid and even more fond memories of being the lucky one who got to lick the beaters afterwards, though my grandma never left much batter on the beaters. My boys love helping me bake too and at every step of the way they ask if they can lick the beaters. "No that's just butter and sugar, it's not done quite yet." I hear myself telling them during the process. And eventually, when the batter is finished, I always do give each boy a beater to enjoy too.
On this particular Sunday morning, it saddened me that I would not be eating the freshly baked warm out of the oven banana bread with my boys. Since I have been on the autoimmune protocol diet, we haven't baked any family recipes, this was the first one, because I can't eat them. Instead we've been trying paleo and autoimmune protocol recipes, like paleo apple scones and egg, dairy and grain free blueberry-banana muffins. They're just not the same, not only in taste and texture, but they're also missing the love and history of my family.
While I was able to abstain from the yummy banana nut bread this time, I'm not sure if I will be able to next time. The best thing for me to do, would be not to tempt myself, by not baking it. But at the same time I'm torn, because I don't want to take such a pleasure and tradition from my boys. It's not fair to them to take that treat away, just because I can't have any.
I do have this nagging fear that my banana nut bread days may be over. While this autoimmune protocol diet is supposed to be temporary (until my body has time to heal and reset itself), what if it's not? What if, in the reintroduction stage, I find I can't tolerate grains or dairy or eggs? What then? What if I have to stay on this diet long term? What then? What happens to my family history of love baked in the kitchen?
I can practically hear my mom saying, "Now, Niki don't future trip. You don't know what the future will bring." So I will try not to worry about it for now. I will stay present, not worrying about the future or the past. But let me be clear, Banana Nut Bread, I miss you.
My mom has made a family tradition with banana nut bread. Every time we visit her, she makes the treat for us just before we arrive, using the same recipe my grandma baked when I was a kid visiting her. The boys are at least the fourth generation learning how to make this particular banana nut bread. Who knows, my grandma may have gotten the recipe from her mom, which would then make the boys fifth generation banana nut bread bakers.
I have fond memories of baking with both my mom and my grandma as a kid and even more fond memories of being the lucky one who got to lick the beaters afterwards, though my grandma never left much batter on the beaters. My boys love helping me bake too and at every step of the way they ask if they can lick the beaters. "No that's just butter and sugar, it's not done quite yet." I hear myself telling them during the process. And eventually, when the batter is finished, I always do give each boy a beater to enjoy too.
On this particular Sunday morning, it saddened me that I would not be eating the freshly baked warm out of the oven banana bread with my boys. Since I have been on the autoimmune protocol diet, we haven't baked any family recipes, this was the first one, because I can't eat them. Instead we've been trying paleo and autoimmune protocol recipes, like paleo apple scones and egg, dairy and grain free blueberry-banana muffins. They're just not the same, not only in taste and texture, but they're also missing the love and history of my family.
While I was able to abstain from the yummy banana nut bread this time, I'm not sure if I will be able to next time. The best thing for me to do, would be not to tempt myself, by not baking it. But at the same time I'm torn, because I don't want to take such a pleasure and tradition from my boys. It's not fair to them to take that treat away, just because I can't have any.
I do have this nagging fear that my banana nut bread days may be over. While this autoimmune protocol diet is supposed to be temporary (until my body has time to heal and reset itself), what if it's not? What if, in the reintroduction stage, I find I can't tolerate grains or dairy or eggs? What then? What if I have to stay on this diet long term? What then? What happens to my family history of love baked in the kitchen?
I can practically hear my mom saying, "Now, Niki don't future trip. You don't know what the future will bring." So I will try not to worry about it for now. I will stay present, not worrying about the future or the past. But let me be clear, Banana Nut Bread, I miss you.
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