Worry Wart
As much as I like to think that I have super strength and nothing can penetrate that strength, it is far from the truth. To my friends and acquaintances I may appear to have it all together, like nothing bothers me. But truth be told, I worry about everything. And once I start worrying about one thing, I find a hundred other things to get myself all worked up about. As a child I worried enough for my Aunty to say to me in a kidding tone, "don't be such a worry wart." Which by the way, was the first time I ever heard that term, "worry wart". Unfortunately nothing has really changed, I'm still a worry wart, I'm just able to hide my worries better so that the outside world doesn't see how worried I can be. The thing is, I don't want to be a worry wart. I keep telling myself I'm working on changing that, but how do I stop worrying when I feel like that's all I've ever known?
My most recent list of worries include the dog getting spayed, my lab work, Captain Awesome's fundraiser, Lieutenant Amazing not wanting me to leave him at school, my dad's birthday present arriving broken, my mom traveling safely, getting the boys halloween costumes done, replanting Captain Awesome's garden, finishing a book a friend loaned me in a timely manner, writing my book and keeping up on this blog. The list goes on and on.
I know mediation is a great way to lessen worries and anxieties. I know this, yet, I have not made time to add it into my day. I'm struggling with doing my regular yoga practice and haven't even been walking lately, I can't imagine adding yet another thing that I feel like I have no time for in my day. But at the same time I recognize how beneficial all of these things can be. When I'm walking, practicing yoga and writing regularly, I feel like I can tackle anything. Not to say I don't have worries then, because obviously I do, I think that those worries are just much more manageable when I'm taking care of me.
I am worried about our little puppy, because she just got spayed on Monday. We were given specific instructions to not let her incision get wet, no bathing or swimming. The sutures used to close her incision are dissolvable and if she licks them or they get wet, they could potentially dissolve or the incision could become infected. To help prevent her from licking her incision, she's been wearing the lampshade looking collar since she came home on Monday. Of course, I woke up this morning to her swimming in the pool once again. I'm pretty sure when the pool guys cleaned the pool yesterday, they did not latch the gate and our little puppy went through that unlatched gate. With the lampshade collar, she can't fit through or under the pool fence, so I'm guessing that's how she got on that side of the backyard. When I called the vets office, they told me to pat dry the incision and keep a close eye on it making sure that if it opens or appears infected to bring her back in right away.
Before my husband left for work today he told me not to worry about it. I heard him, but it's one thing to hear what he said, and another to actually implement what he said. I have no idea how not to worry about this dog. What if her incision get's infected? What if it opens? I know that's where meditation comes into play. Instead of thinking about the future and worrying about it, I need to be present, in the now. In the now, this puppy is perfectly fine. She is snoozing comfortably right next to me, probably due to complete exhaustion from her morning swim. Nothing is currently wrong with her, so it does me no good to worry about her. She's certainly not worried about her incision. She doesn't even seem to know that it's there.
Another worry that is in the front and foremost part of my mind is my lab work. On Wednesday I had blood taken to check my thyroid hormone levels again. Over the last six weeks I have been on a very strict diet, called the Autoimmune Protocol Diet. The diet consists of eliminating any potential irritants from the gut, including: processed food, food additives, refined oils, refined sugars, dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, eggs, all nuts and seeds (including coffee and chocolate), and nightshades. I've also added healing and probiotic rich foods to my diet including, bone broth, Kombucha and fermented veggies. I'm worried that all of my restrictions and all of my hard work will have been completely wasted and that there will be no change in my thyroid hormone levels. I hope that this is not the case. I knew when I started this diet that it may or may not change my hormone levels. It has made me feel a lot better for sure. Before the diet, just touching my neck was painful, because my thyroid was so inflamed. That's not the case anymore. I was also always tired, irritable and anxious. While I'm still slightly anxious (though I believe that maybe somewhat of a natural state of being for me), I'm not nearly as irritable and I've been sleeping better and have more energy throughout the day. So I'm praying that my blood work will reflect positive changes as well. I just can't help my worrying about it.
My most recent list of worries include the dog getting spayed, my lab work, Captain Awesome's fundraiser, Lieutenant Amazing not wanting me to leave him at school, my dad's birthday present arriving broken, my mom traveling safely, getting the boys halloween costumes done, replanting Captain Awesome's garden, finishing a book a friend loaned me in a timely manner, writing my book and keeping up on this blog. The list goes on and on.
I know mediation is a great way to lessen worries and anxieties. I know this, yet, I have not made time to add it into my day. I'm struggling with doing my regular yoga practice and haven't even been walking lately, I can't imagine adding yet another thing that I feel like I have no time for in my day. But at the same time I recognize how beneficial all of these things can be. When I'm walking, practicing yoga and writing regularly, I feel like I can tackle anything. Not to say I don't have worries then, because obviously I do, I think that those worries are just much more manageable when I'm taking care of me.
I am worried about our little puppy, because she just got spayed on Monday. We were given specific instructions to not let her incision get wet, no bathing or swimming. The sutures used to close her incision are dissolvable and if she licks them or they get wet, they could potentially dissolve or the incision could become infected. To help prevent her from licking her incision, she's been wearing the lampshade looking collar since she came home on Monday. Of course, I woke up this morning to her swimming in the pool once again. I'm pretty sure when the pool guys cleaned the pool yesterday, they did not latch the gate and our little puppy went through that unlatched gate. With the lampshade collar, she can't fit through or under the pool fence, so I'm guessing that's how she got on that side of the backyard. When I called the vets office, they told me to pat dry the incision and keep a close eye on it making sure that if it opens or appears infected to bring her back in right away.
Before my husband left for work today he told me not to worry about it. I heard him, but it's one thing to hear what he said, and another to actually implement what he said. I have no idea how not to worry about this dog. What if her incision get's infected? What if it opens? I know that's where meditation comes into play. Instead of thinking about the future and worrying about it, I need to be present, in the now. In the now, this puppy is perfectly fine. She is snoozing comfortably right next to me, probably due to complete exhaustion from her morning swim. Nothing is currently wrong with her, so it does me no good to worry about her. She's certainly not worried about her incision. She doesn't even seem to know that it's there.
Another worry that is in the front and foremost part of my mind is my lab work. On Wednesday I had blood taken to check my thyroid hormone levels again. Over the last six weeks I have been on a very strict diet, called the Autoimmune Protocol Diet. The diet consists of eliminating any potential irritants from the gut, including: processed food, food additives, refined oils, refined sugars, dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, eggs, all nuts and seeds (including coffee and chocolate), and nightshades. I've also added healing and probiotic rich foods to my diet including, bone broth, Kombucha and fermented veggies. I'm worried that all of my restrictions and all of my hard work will have been completely wasted and that there will be no change in my thyroid hormone levels. I hope that this is not the case. I knew when I started this diet that it may or may not change my hormone levels. It has made me feel a lot better for sure. Before the diet, just touching my neck was painful, because my thyroid was so inflamed. That's not the case anymore. I was also always tired, irritable and anxious. While I'm still slightly anxious (though I believe that maybe somewhat of a natural state of being for me), I'm not nearly as irritable and I've been sleeping better and have more energy throughout the day. So I'm praying that my blood work will reflect positive changes as well. I just can't help my worrying about it.
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