Bye Bye Training Wheels Written By: Niki Ishikawa

“[LIEUTENANT AMAZING]!!!” 

I hear myself screaming for my four year old as I’m running after him down the grassy bank towards the artificially blue lake. I can see him just ten yards ahead of me, wearing his dinosaur bike helmet, that he colored in himself earlier in the morning. While he anticipated the fun of this play date with his best buddy. Lieutenant Amazing is bumping along, gaining speed as he gets closer to the water. He is doing the same exact thing his buddy did, just moments before. The difference is, his little buddy was on a balance bike and could easily turn away from the water before plunging into the lake head first. 

My little boy is riding on the bike my husband and I got him for his third birthday, a 16-inch orange and white Diamondback bike with training wheels. He’s been riding this bike for a little over a year now. When he first got the bike he didn’t like riding it, struggling with the pedaling, he much preferred riding the Razor scooter that Santa brought him that year. But trying to keep up with his older brother and the older neighborhood boys has been a good challenge for my youngest son, encouraging him to ride his bike often and faster. Over the last few months he has really began to get comfortable with the bike and now prefers the bike over the scooter. All morning the two best buddies had been riding their bikes up and down the grassy hills of the park. They also spent a good part of the time chasing the ducks and turtles back into the lake. 

This moment in time was eerily familiar as I was running toward the lake with my good friend trailing close behind me. It’s Deja Vu, but not. We’ve done this before, us four, this time at least the weather is warmer and I’m running after my kid instead of hers.

It was last winter that our two youngest children were at the water’s edge talking to the ducks, again wearing their bike helmets, when her son somehow fell head first into the water. Even though the water is shallow, it was terrifying when her son fell in. He was only two years old and didn’t yet know how to swim. At that time we were probably farther away from the boys than we should have been, on the walking path about 50 feet away from them. I can’t recall the conversation we were having, just the abruptness of the interruption. I was facing the lake watching the children while my friend faced me with her back toward the lake. I don’t think I said anything to her when I saw it happen. I remember gasping and running as fast as I could toward the lake dropping my backpack onto the grass as I ran. Before I could process what was happening, I jumped in the lake to grab her son who was floating face down in the teal blue water. Just as I reached for him, he was beginning to try to stand. Thankfully everything turned out fine. We just ended up being cold and wet and had to go home earlier than originally planned.  

Here I was again a little over a year later, this time chasing down my own son. Watching helplessly as I ran towards him, I saw my boy in his brother’s hand me down red Paw Patrol t-shirt and camouflage pants, fly into the lake both him and the bike flipping over the edge into the water. Now, my four year old can swim having had lots of practice in our backyard pool over the summer, but I panicked yet again and before I knew it, I was dropping my backpack onto the ground and jumping knee deep into the water again, pulling both my son and his little bike out of the water. I think I was afraid that he would be injured by the rocks that were close to the edge of the lake or that he wouldn’t be able to stand up, possibly being trapped under the bike. Thankfully my friend thought to grab the leash that I had dropped in the commotion, stopping our water loving Lab-Husky puppy from jumping in the lake after us. It was bad enough that Lieutenant Amazing and I were soaking wet and had to end our playdate earlier than planned. I certainly didn’t need a soaking wet puppy to take home too. 

It was later that afternoon when my husband and I saw each other in passing as he got home from work and I was heading to work, that I told him what had happened at the lake. I made the comment that Lieutenant Amazing probably didn’t need the training wheels anymore and had he been without them earlier, he probably would’ve been able to turn away from the lake rather than plunge head first into the water. As I pulled the little bike out of my trunk leaving it for my son to ride that afternoon, it occurred to me to tell my husband to wait until tomorrow to take the training wheels off so that I could witness it. As usual I was running late and was in such a hurry that I forgot to say something to him. When I drove away, I thought about calling him and asking him to wait on the training wheels, but then realized I better call work to tell them I might be a few minutes late. And then I forgot about it completely after getting off the phone with work and settling into my 35 minute drive with a really good audiobook. 

It was later that night when I was waiting for my last table to leave, that I saw my husband had sent me a video via text. I knew what it was before I even opened it. This sinking feeling filled my body. My Lieutenant Amazing was riding his bike without training wheels. In the moment I wanted to cry, but I didn’t, probably because I was at work. I was so happy for my little boy. Riding a bike without training wheels is a huge step in growing up. At the same time I was so sad that I wasn’t there to witness the transition. 

It brought back memories of how I watched our first born progress from training wheels to a two wheeled bike. It was with great anticipation I watched with camera in hand as my husband ran along side of Captain Awesome on his little green bike and then let him go, while I ran behind them catching it all on video. It was such a triumphant moment for both our first born and us. One of those life highs that I struggle to put into words. 

I was sad now, because I wanted to experience that high all over again with my baby. I know my husband didn’t take that moment away from me on purpose. Knowing him, he just didn’t think about it at all. He saw there was the problem of not being able to turn away from water on training wheels and he knew how to solve that problem, so he did. It wasn’t until I called him crying on my way home from work that he realized how important it was for me to be there to see it. 

I cried the whole way home, because I missed it. I know that there will be many more transitional steps in my boys lives. I also know that realistically I can’t be there for every first step. I think it was such a bummer for me not to be there, because I have dedicated myself and my life to these two boys. I have put any sort of career aspirations on hold so that I could be the best mom I can be for these two. I have chosen to stay working as a server so that I can work just 15 hours a week and hopefully not miss out on too much with my boys lives. Missing this moment hurt me. It made me feel defeated as if all my sacrifices were for nothing. Missing this triumphant moment in my little boy's life was heartbreaking. 

My mom has reassured me that I will be there for many other big steps and that he’s still learning so I will still get to witness him learning to ride his bike. And I agreed yes I will be there for other moments and yes he is still grasping the concept of riding on two wheels. But it’s not the same as being there in that moment when those training wheels first come off. That wobbly first few feet and then the take off. The glee on his face, the pride and surprise in his realization he is doing it. Knowing that he is riding his bike on two wheels unassisted. I missed it.