This Parenting Thing, Where's The Manual?

I wish that I was given a handbook or an instruction manual with each of my boys. It would have been so nice if when the doctor handed me my first born child, he also handed me a thick textbook full of  information on how best to raise this child. And then again for my second born, since their needs and challenges are completely different. I would love two big textbook sized manuals with an index that I could turn to, and flip through to look up any questions or hiccups that I may have. A helpful guide teaching me to raise my children to the best of my ability, providing specific needs for each of them. If this dream book were divided into age appropriate categories that would be phenomenal too. 

Unfortunately the reality is that kids don’t come with user or owner manuals. Dang it! That’s such a shame. In all honesty, I think we’ve done okay as far as parenting goes, even though there are times when I want to run away and hide from my children. Don’t worry I don’t actually run and hide from  them. I just feel that way on occasion. And that’s normal, right? Maybe not. Maybe it’s just me not being able to handle them. Whatever the case, obviously it’s weighing heavily on my mind, hence why I’m writing this. 

Recently, parenting our oldest child, Captain Awesome has become very challenging lately. It’s not all the time, but it seems to be happening more and more and I’m at a loss for a reason why. He has become very defiant lately, with back talk, arguments and flat out ignoring my directions. When he has to do something he doesn’t want to do, he will either whine and fuss his way into a full on temper tantrum or get very angry and aggressive, kicking and punching or throwing things that are in his path. I’m at my wits end with him. I guess I’m seeking mental clarity and quite possibly advice. 

Since we get some of our best parenting advice from our own parents, which makes sense because they have raised us, I’ve turned to my mom recently about Captain Awesome. It also happens that we are staying with her and D while visiting my hometown. My mom has been witnessing this behavior for herself, so it has become an important topic of discussion. But she doesn’t really have an answer for me. 

My mom tells me I never behaved the way that he is behaving, maybe because I’m a girl and was an only child, but she never had problems with me like I have with him. Great. She said that his situation is completely different than when I was a kid, because he is a boy and has a sibling. The dynamics of his situation are completely different from mine. She also warned me to get this under control now, because as he gets older it’s only going to get worse. 

When Captain Awesome was three years old, we saw a Behavioral Psychologist RN for some of the same problems that we are having now. The biggest problem we had three years ago was that he didn’t listen, which is still the main issue. At the time the RN assured us we were doing this parenting thing right, we just needed to be more consistent and she gave us some suggestions on how to deal with the “strong willed child”. She told us that “today’s strong willed children, are tomorrow’s leaders.” She also told us parenting a strong willed child is not an easy task, but if done well and consistently, our child would become a highly successful leader as an adult.  

Honestly I have no concerns about how Captain Awesome will fare as an adult. I think if we can get him to adulthood, he will indeed become a highly successful grown up. I just worry about how we’re going to get him there and still keep our sanity without me running and hiding all by myself.