Life Experience

Yesterday I celebrated my 37^th birthday. I’ve gotten to the point, where I am excited about another birthday and at the same time completely blown away that I’m another year older. Now I’m not sure what exactly 37 is supposed to feel or look like, but I’d like to think I look young for 37, even if I don’t. As one of my nieces informed me, “I would say you look like you’re in your twenties, but you don’t.” Got to love the brutal honesty of an 8 year old diva.

Where am I going with this? Essentially, time just keeps passing me by. It seems like just yesterday that I was six months pregnant with my first baby, celebrating my 30^th birthday. My mom came out to visit to celebrate my birthday with me. We spent the day shopping and primping. A girls day to the max, with manicures, pedicures, hair styles and all. 

Then that night when my husband got home from work, we went out to dinner at the fine dining restaurant that I worked at. It was a nice evening though a little awkward at moments. I sat between my mom and my new husband, neither of which talked much at all. The food was great, but the conversation felt forced and had these moments of awkward silence. I wore a black dress that fitted close showing off my blossoming belly. My coworker at the time, told me, “pregnant women shouldn’t look that sexy.” It was the compliment of all compliments, because as big as I felt, there was no way I thought of myself as sexy, but I loved the idea of it.

As a gift my mom gave me a diamond ring that has multiple rows of diamonds in a variety of diamond cuts. I’ve been wearing it nearly everyday for the past seven years now. Wow, it’s so hard for me to fathom that it’s been that long. That same night my husband gave me the most beautiful drop earrings with my peridot birthstone. 

When we got home from dinner that night, there was a letter taped on the front door. I’m surprised I saw it, since we went in and out of the house through the garage door, but some how it caught my eye. As I approached it, I felt this pit growing in my stomach. I knew what it was before I even got close to it. 

Shortly after we got married in 2010, my husband and I had agreed to stop paying the mortgage as a way to gain leverage with the mortgage company. We were trying to have our mortgage adjusted like much of America at the time, after all it was 2011. We were attempting to play hardball with the big bank. We had been advised by a few different friends who were going through the same type of thing to stop paying and then the mortgage company would finally respond to our application for a mortgage adjustment. 

I admit I’m not the best at staying on top of things. I’m really good at letting things pile up, because I have this bad tendency to avoid things that I don’t want to deal with, putting it in a “I’ll deal with it later” type of pile. Well I had been receiving mail, that I hadn’t paid that close of attention to, since it was in my “I’ll deal with it later” pile. Turns out, what I had been setting aside, thinking I would deal with it later, was highly important mail that I should have paid closer attention to. They were in the process of selling my house right out from under me. 

The letter on my door that night, was a letter stating that we had 30 days to get out of the house, because it was now in Foreclosure. Well, happy 30^th freaking birthday to me. While I knew that I had done all of this to myself (mainly by quitting my two great paying jobs that helped me to buy the house in the first place, so I could go back to school to follow my dreams of becoming a broke part-time fine dining server, I mean wannabe writer); it still didn’t soften the fear of having no place to go. I think it was especially tough, because here I was an emotional six month pregnant newly wed, with no home. All I could do was cry in that moment, even though I knew not paying the mortgage could lead to this moment of Foreclosure. 

My husband felt so bad for me that night, he turned around and gave me a second gift he bought when he got my birthday present. He had planned on saving it until Christmas. When he gave it to me, I said, “what’s this?” He told me, “I just wanted to see you smile.” I opened the little jewelry box and saw a lovely curve of peridots hanging on a delicate white gold chain. Of course I smiled through my tears. His gesture was so incredibly sweet, for a moment it took my mind off of the fact that we were soon to be homeless. 

It took me a little while to find that necklace yesterday. I was searching through all of my jewelry. I had to find it. I’m not sure why, but it was important that I wore it to dinner. Even though I’ve now had it for seven years, I rarely wear it or the drop earrings he gave me that 30^th birthday. I think the reason I’ve hardly worn them, was because I stopped wearing jewelry when I started having babies. My babies had a tendency to tug on shiny things and break them. While the kids were babies I fell out of the habit of wearing much jewelry, aside from my wedding rings, a watch and the ring from my mom. Finally, I found the necklace in a plastic ziplock bag, with it’s original delicate chain broken. I’d obviously put it in the bag meaning to take it in for repairs. Who knows when that could have been. 

So last night exactly seven years later from the night our house went into Foreclosure, we dined at the same restaurant (that I no longer work at as of six weeks ago). I wore the necklace of curved peridots my husband gave me on my 30^th birthday to make me smile. We had a great dinner with our now six year old and four year old boys and I spent that entire dinner smiling.

Looking back seven years ago, I would not have changed anything, as hard as it was at the time. It is life experiences like my Foreclosure that have made me the person I am today. That Foreclosure as tough as it was at the time, taught me what is most important in life. Essentially it forced us to move where we are today, which at times I honestly despise, but at the same time I know it’s alright. The Foreclosure also showed me why I chose my husband as my lifetime partner. Without him, I would not have the positive outlook that I have on life today. He has again and again opened my eyes to what really matters in this life.