Tired and Overwhelmed

A seven year old and a five year old. I cannot believe that I am a mom to a seven year old and a five year old. At times it seems like just yesterday that they were born and other times it feels like I will never get through the week, let alone the day or even possibly the time out that one or the other, or both have been put into. These two boys have certainly changed my entire life with their arrivals. I am honestly and truly a completely different person, than I was seven years ago or even five years ago. My priorities have changed from focusing on me, myself and I to focusing on him, him and him. It is my family, specifically my boys that are my number one priority, so much so, that sometimes I forget to take care of myself and have been guilty of forgetting about my husband also. 

When I was pregnant with my first son, many parents told us to enjoy every little moment because before you know it is gone. “Before you know it, your kids are grown”. At the time, I was  anxiously awaiting the arrival of my first son. I thought I understood what they meant, and made every effort to preserve the precious moments, listening to my cousin and taking weekly pregnant pictures, to capture those memories on paper. Then trying my best through what I now understand to be quite possibly postpartum depression to preserve all of my babies firsts, through pictures, video clips and regular journaling. 

Then along came baby number two and while I had twice as much joy in my life. I was tired and overwhelmed. I was no longer trying to preserve every precious moment in my life. Instead I was trying to keep up with all those moments. Although I am not always overwhelmed, I am quite a bit more now than I would like to admit. The feelings of not being able to keep up with my family comes in waves, sort of ebbs and flows. 

Lately I have been so busy taking care of everyone that I have put myself, my health and my sanity at risk. I have taken on too much. I’ve spread myself thin, with making Halloween costumes and then planning a last minute birthday party along with baking customized cookies to take to class and fulfill each of my kids’ wishes, while still trying to maintain our home, consider giving up my crazy dog, keep up with my job and start the process of buying a new home. Okay, I admit it. I am beyond stressed right now. My body is telling me to slow down. I’ve been fighting back nausea and sickness for over a week now. Yet, I still keep pushing. While I should have been in bed sleeping, getting some rest right now, instead I am busy typing, because I know I would not sleep well if I did not submit this blog tonight. 

What I realize though, now that each of my boys has turned one year older this past week, is that I want to enjoy them and their childhood. I want to look back at this year and feel happiness not angst. I’m not sure what method it will take for me to get there, but that is my goal. By next week I want to write about how I finally figured out some life balance, how I am enjoying the present moment again and my children. After all they are my world.