Calm Assertion

Lieutenant Amazing had just finished picking up the few Legos left on their bedroom floor, when Captain Awesome began trying to shut the closet doors. I had finished folding down the boys quilts on their beds, fluffed their pillows, pulled down their top sheets and was in the process of setting their stars and moon night light, when I heard Captain Awesome fighting with the closet door. By the sound of the slamming door and the force behind it, I could tell he was growing more and more frustrated with the fact that it wouldn’t shut. I didn’t look up to see what he was doing, instead I focused on setting an appropriate amount of time on the night light, while Lieutenant Amazing requested the colors he wanted the light to shine tonight. That’s when we heard the final slam, followed by screaming.

It was dark in their bedroom with only the glow of stars and moons dancing on the walls and ceiling. We had already turned out the overhead light so the little one could pick out the color night light he wanted. I looked up at my screaming child and saw him holding his right hand. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t rush to him. I kept my cool and watched as he made his way over to his bed screaming as loud as he could. I reached up to the overhead fan-light and pulled the chain to turn the light back on. Then I walked over to his bed, sat down facing him, held his hurt hand in mine and looked into his eyes.

“Stop screaming and breath,” I said with calm assertion.

Instantly he stopped screaming and followed my example of deep breathing. It was amazing how quickly he calmed himself down. Captain Awesome was able to show me his injury and explain what happened without a single fuss. Judging by his injured right pinky, he had managed to pinch it really hard in the fold of the closet door, so hard that it tore the skin and began to bleed under the first few layers of skin and out of the open cut. It did look extremely painful and I imagine it scared him more than anything since he wasn’t expecting it.

I know it doesn’t seem like much for him to stop screaming and become instantly calm. But for this kid that is huge. He is my melodramatic kid. The one that will get himself so upset and worked up that he will cause himself to throw up. In the past when he’s upset about something, say for example an injury, he wouldn’t have calmed down that quickly, he would have continued screaming and crying, causing me to overreact.

I’m not sure if it was him or me that was different in this particular instance. I know that in the past I’ve screamed at him to stop screaming after prolonged periods of screaming. Which thinking about it outside of the incident, seems moronic. If you want somebody to stop screaming, it’s probably not wise to scream at them to stop screaming, seems counterintuitive.

Tonight, I think the change was in both of us. My calm assertiveness made him trust my judgement. I wasn’t crazy worried and feeding into his negative energy. Instead I was holding my own, staying calm and positive. I think he is growing too. He is learning that if he just stops and listens things will be okay and possibly easier.

So why was I so calm this time compared to other times? Well, I think some of it has to do with the self-care I’ve been practicing this week. I finally gave into my husband’s requests and agreed to begin exercising with him in the mornings. I only worked out four days this week, but feel a million times better. Yes, I was extremely sore, but the endorphins I received from exercising have brightened and calmed my world. All of a sudden I have so much more energy and I feel good like I can accomplish any and everything. Things are looking a lot easier and more manageable for me now. Even the process of getting a bandaid and some ice for my seven year old, seemed so much less stressful than in the past. It’s amazing what a little exercise can do for the whole family.

I now know that I need to continue exercising regardless of what comes up in my life. It is with self-care, that I can be my best me and take care of my family like they deserve.